How to Talk to Your Kids About the California Wildfires

It has quickly become a familiar refrain: We have never seen anything like the current Los Angeles wildfires before. And consequently, many parents have also been faced with an unprecedented task this week: how to explain this tragedy to our children.

First and foremost, of course, this is felt most painfully by those who have been directly impacted. For these parents—as we can only imagine—there must be little internal debate on the right way to describe events, simply because the danger is so immediate. And still, the effort to help young people make sense of the tragedy, to understand its indefinite scope, and to give them some hope for the future must be no easy task.

For the rest of us, watching in horror from afar, there has also been a sense of unease this week. Should you shield your children from images they perhaps cannot comprehend? At what age is it appropriate to expose them to tragic events that are taking place in the world? How should you respond if you’ve attempted to shield your kids, but they catch a headline or a newscast?

There have been a number of studies investigating rates of anxiety disorders post-wildfire, reflecting higher rates of anxiety and panic disorders among both adult and youth populations. There have also been studies that reflect children and young people’s growing worries about issues including climate change, technology, political issues, and school shootings—the highest rate of any generation before them. These are conversations with our youth that we’re going to have to keep having, and trying our best along the way to get right.

Below, a panel of experts offer guidance and help to parse this evolving disaster with the children and young people in your life.

It is important to hold space for your own emotions, recognizing them and your process of loss and recovery. Dr. Aliza W. Pressman is a developmental psychologist and cofounder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, and assistant clinical professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the Division of Behavioral and Developmental Health Kravis Children’s Hospital, Icahn School of Medicine. She is also the author of The 5 Principles of Parenting. She acknowledges how fraught this period will be for both parents and children.

“Wildfires are particularly disturbing for children because they are so frightening, so hard to predict, impossible to control, and so physically terrifying,” she says. “This is true for adults. If you are in LA, you know that getting mundane tasks done right now can feel overwhelming. We rely so much on the stability and comfort of home so when that is the very thing at risk, and our school and community is changing or being destroyed, the impact can be long lasting.”

“Parents, there is so much tension between caring for your own emotions and remaining capable of presence and support for your children,” Dr. Pressman says. It is important, she says, to take note of how you feel, take a breath to regulate your nervous system before talking to your child. “The most important thing is for them to feel safe so they need to know the adult in their life feels safe,” she says. “You can say it makes sense that it sounds scary because it is so unexpected. You can reassure them that they can come to you with any questions or worries. You can tell them things you know for sure—‘I will be here, Daddy will be here, and your dog. We will have breakfast.’ Essentially, listing what things we do know. The key is that they trust that you are not keeping things from them, that they can share their feelings, and that you can handle all of it.”

Talking to children about the loss of their homes, schools, communities, familiar routines and places needs honesty, care, and reassurance. “It’s not about making sense of the tragedy; it’s about making space for their feelings,” says Dr. Zelana Montminy, a leading behavioral scientist and author of 21 Days to Resilience, who specializes in resilience, mental health, human potential, and navigating a world of rising stress. “Resist the urge to explain or rationalize what happened,” she advises. “Kids don’t need all the answers—they need permission to feel. Create space for them to express their grief, anger, or confusion in their own way without trying to ‘fix’ it.”

Dr. Montminy suggests that, instead of asking a child, “How are you feeling?”–which can overwhelm them—you could say, “It’s okay to feel sad or scared. I’m here to listen.” If you’re engaging with older children, encourage them to write, draw, do a small project, create something: “It gives them a sense of agency amidst chaos.”

Dr. Anne Marie Albano is a professor of medical psychology, a licensed clinical psychologist, and is board-certified in clinical child and adolescent psychology. She is also the Director of the Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders (CUCARD). It’s vital to normalize their questions and give space for them, she says. “Kids are going to ask questions no matter what age they are,” says Dr. Albano. “It may be as simple as a two year old asking for daddy or mommy, who is a first responder, or, ‘Where’s my toys?’ You must be matter of fact. Daddy or mommy is helping people be safe. And it is honest and fine to say you don’t know what will happen to your house. Just let them know that whatever happens, you will tell them the truth. It is important that children are not getting promises that can’t be kept. Stress, instead, what’s important: You are safe and together.”

They may ask for their friends, your neighbors, their school teachers. “It’s okay to be honest and say you don’t know, but that you can find out together, in time,” says Dr. Albano. She suggests providing, instead of vague answers and promises you can’t keep, positive actions. “One of the things that increases traumatic reactions, anxiety, and stress is feeling helpless,” says Dr. Albano. “So if you can’t reach their friends, ask, ‘Would you like to do something for them’? Maybe you can color some pictures or send postcards to the Red Cross or grandma and grandpa. That is so impactful. Kids want to make a difference, and it’s a way you can empower them.”

If you are in a shelter, Dr. Albano suggests simple things like letting kids organize play time together: “They feel they’re a part of the response, and they’re not just passively going through something. Not having agency to affect some change is really one of the things that makes it worse for people who have gone through traumatic episodes.” Seeing others showing resilience and community too, is heartening.

Dr. Pressman says that there can be no one way or script, and noting your child’s temperament as well as your own is an important gauge.

Dr. Pressman adds: “In general, if your kids are going to hear about it in school you can let them know and something along the lines of: ‘You may hear about a wildfire that is happening in Los Angeles. It happened because there was very dry air and foliage and a lot of wind. Firefighters and helpers were able to warn people in advance so they could leave their homes and keep their bodies safe. It can be scary hearing about it so I am here to answer any questions. You are safe. We can gather some clothes and toiletries that might be helpful for families who can't get home.’”

Turn anxiety into action, Dr. Montminy says. “Instead of just reassuring kids that they’re safe, help them channel their worry into something tangible. Anxiety often stems from feeling powerless. Whether that’s a thank you card for firefighters, making a care package, or raising money for displaced families, even small actions can bolster a sense of purpose and connection.

Dr. Montminy also suggests, if parents or guardians need a starting script, to consider saying something like the following: “It’s normal to feel upset when you hear about these things. One way to feel better is to help—how do you think we could do that?” Let them lead.

It’s okay to not have all of the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You want to keep their trust, and making promises you can’t keep or blanket statements won’t help that. “Don’t try to create false certainty to soothe your child’s anxiety,” says Dr. Montminy. “Instead, model how to live with uncertainty by acknowledging what you don’t know and focusing on what you do know. She advises using a “when/then” framework. For example: “When it’s safe to rebuild, then we’ll start putting things back together.” This creates a clear structure and comforting sense of a support system, even in uncertain times.

“For younger children, time is a very strange thing for them. Their mind is in the here and now,” says Dr. Albano. If they are five years or younger and they ask you when things will return to normalcy, Dr. Albano suggests using time markers they understand, like a birthday, or several semesters of school. “You have to give them a sense that it’s going to take time in a way they understand,” she says, “but in the meantime, people are working to help everybody.”

It’s important to consider not just age, but emotional capacity. Dr. Montminy offers a breakdown by age:

Focus on safety and use simple language: “The smoke is big, but we’re safe. We’re here together.” Keep routines consistent to give them security.

They’re starting to ask “why,” so give simple, honest answers: “The fire burned houses, and people are working to put it out.” Use play—like blocks or drawing—to help them process.

They’re capable of deeper understanding but may struggle with fear. Acknowledge their feelings: “It’s okay to feel worried.” Emphasize helpers: “There are so many people working hard to fix things.”

Dr. Albano emphasizes that teenagers will likely want to point a finger to make sense of the disaster. “‘Why did this happen?’ ‘Who has failed us?’ It’s important they understand this is not something we can control, but what we can control is our response, and people trying their best to help.”

Dr. Albano points out that we’re living through a time with the most informed adolescent generation ever, with social media and news from their smartphones. Surveys show that young people in the United States worry more about issues like gun violence, climate change, and their immigrant friends being targeted or deported. “They worry about these things that are, more and more, directly impacting them. And they don’t see change happening.” It is important to empower them with hope and action. Ultimately, Dr. Albano says that parents know their kids better than anybody. Consider any subtle changes you see in your child, and pay attention to them.

For younger kids, according to Dr. Pressman, you should keep in mind that “they cannot distinguish between something happening once and something happening over and over.”

“During 9/11, when young children saw images of the towers falling, they thought the event happened again and again every time the news was on. Images are far harder to get out of our heads than conversations,” Dr. Pressman says. Dr. Montminy puts it astutely: “Shield, but don’t sanitize. Completely shielding kids from images can make them more anxious, as their imaginations often create scenarios worse than reality.” Though, for children under the age of seven, Dr Montminy says to try keep them from images entirely, and to use simple language to describe what’s happening. Younger children lack the ability to process the complexity and nuances of news—to protect them, offer “simplified, child-friendly explanations without visual exposure.”

For children over the age of eight, if they come into contact with images, view with them. Explain what they’ve seen, and focus more so on the positive actions being taken. For example, if they see images of homes engulfed in fire, point to the continued, courageous work of firefighters to keep people safe. Dr. Montminy believes it’s okay to integrate news into a child’s life when they’re age 12 and above, because this is when children begin to develop their critical thinking skills. Already, they may be encountering news through their peers, in school, or on social media, and they may be seeking to understand the world better. “Help them process the news in a healthy way,” she says. Frame what they’re seeing and discuss the context for it. Ask them how it makes them feel, and if they have any questions about what you see.

“Everything is going to be okay” is a statement that can backfire on kids, according to Dr. Montminy. While it might feel comforting in the moment, it can actually create more anxiety. “Kids are incredibly perceptive; they can sense uncertainty or fear, even when we try to mask it,” she says. “When parents offer blanket reassurances that don’t match reality, it can make kids feel like they can’t trust what they’re being told.”

Instead, focus on honesty and connection. “Say, ‘Things are hard right now, and it’s okay to feel scared. But we’re in this together, and I’ll always be here to keep you safe.’ This approach validates their feelings and builds trust, helping them feel secure even when life feels unpredictable. Kids don’t need perfect answers—they need truthful, attuned parents who will walk with them through the unknown.”

“Children look to the adults in their lives for guidance, how to react, and what to do,” says Dr. Pressman. That’s, of course, a lot of pressure on the parent or guardian, especially when enduring your own suffering and stress. “When adults can get to safety and manage their own emotions first, they can best support their kids to get through these difficult reactions and find adaptive coping mechanisms to move through this.”

Helping children understand what is happening and what they are reacting to will benefit them, in both short and long term. “When children are exposed to a potential trauma like these wildfires, in the presence of a loving and supportive caregiver, it can transform that toxic stressor into a tolerable stressor. A tolerable stressor can grow resilience,” says Dr. Pressman. “This is not the kind of event we want anyone to experience, I only remind you of the power of your presence in the face of such events to reassure you.”

If you require professional support, consider engaging with a child therapist who specializes in trauma.

LA County Department of Mental Health Access Line: 1-800-854-7771
The Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) Family Hotline: (213) 443-1300

Read more about how you can help those experiencing LA’s wildfires—wherever you are in the world—here.